quick note

Did I mention to you guys yet, that I say "fucked" everyday?

everyday. several times a day.

haha Let me explain.

First of all you know that I don't cuss- that I simply just don't like it- and so I refrain from using it, except on those rare occasions that I am in a really bad mood and it slips out.

So I do say "fucked" everyday, but let me explain that as well.

You spell the word fakt, although it is pronounced "fucked" and it means: really?

so everytime I say really- I have to hold back laughter- because I'm cussing- but not actually. I guess if you ever want to cuss without cussing, go to a country that has a commone word, that you'll use frequently that sounds like one of your bad words.

Oh and there is a large possibilty I may choose not to go to college in America, a very very large possibility, although we will see.

Just in being here I realize that my potential does not only exist in America- my potential exists in the world, and maybe just maybe

staying in America is the "safe" and "easy" option for me,

maybe I need a challenge.

I could go to New York and fit in tomorrow. no weird looks. no questions. I would fit.

But perhaps I need to once again place myself in a place I have to work to fit, a place where I get strange looks at first, where the people, the culture, the experience will be all different.

Whatever gave me the idea that I was limited to the United States?
I guess after all- despite the fact that I'd thought I wasn't living in the American bubble- I was.

And now that I am out of that bubble- that that country has it's way of placing around you- I see the big picture.

the possibilty- and all of the different paths that are in front of me.

The question is how do you ever decide which one to take?

But for now I won't worry about that, because as time goes on, I will know where it is I am meant to be, and life will get me there,

in the same way it got me here.

So go after your dreams
realize your potential
and that it is much more than you think
because we all underestimate ourselves and our capabilities
Well I say, no more.
be confident in what you can do, and are able to do
and do it.
That's life, that is truly living.

Ok I'm off to school, have a more than copacetic day.

Tahi

Sunday Morning

I was just listening to the Maroon Five song " Sunday Morning" and well it is Sunday morning so I found it rather fitting for the title of this.

This is going to be a short post- because it's 8 a.m. ( I know early but I wake up super early here on weekends ( 7:30 a.m.) and I have to get ready because we are going out to my host mom's Aunts house in the country.

and I am going horse back riding with my host sister and her cousin- which I am really looking forward to, because it has been far too long since I've gone horse back riding. It's one of those things of childhood that on occasion I find myself missing.

Yesterday was Saturday- and all of my friends are gone, quite a few of them off at cottages with their 24 year old boyfriends ( ALONE!) and so I hung out with my host family.

Marketa ( my host mom), Eva( the two year old) and I went to this cabbage festival- which was pretty neat, it was along the lines of the Portland Saturday Market, but there was simply cabbage incorporated.

Then we came home and I studied my Czech notes for awhile- visted my host mom.

And then I decided to go for a run along the Vltava river- and it's rather strange to me- how far you can run when you are determined- because my music I had in my ear- well it got me moving, and I just kept going.

Alright that's all I've got time for.
go revisit a good memory from childhood today
something you used to love doing, but haven't done in a long while.
That's what I'll be doing.

Cau

The things I love these days

First read my blog below this if you haven't already.

Now this will be a very random blog of all the things I seem to love these days.

I love Swedish tea, although I find myself drinking Orange Jaipur tea almost everyday.

I prefer to drink my apple juice out of glass bottles,

and fried cheese never grows old ( well I'm sure it grows old, but by this I meant I never get sick of it, ofcourse)

Czech MUSIC--- AHHHHHHH--- SO GOOD

Aneta Langerova- Voda Ziva-
utube it---it's good
I even understand what it's saying because I translated it- with help ofcourse

OH and something really cool
look up the Composer Smetana---- and the composition Vltava,
which is a river that runs through the Czech Republic, a river I could be standing in front of in 3 minutes, if I chose to walk away from this computer right now.

Okay and you have to look up Lucie Bila and her song Laska je Laska ( love is love) because, NOTE to yourself that my HOST MOM showed me this video on utube, and well---it was just a rather strange thing for a mom to show you, but she thought it was funny- so I guess she wanted to share it with me.

Oh and a Czech movie to check out Kolja
It got an Oscar- if that means anything to you
and I watched it last night- in Czech, with no English subtitles ( as it didn't have any)
so my host dad explained the important parts, and I kind of just figured out the rest.

Also I love the fact that the other day I was walking through school, and all of a sudden this Nun passes me in the hallway. It just made me smile. Because really what are the chances of seeing a Nun in the hallways at school at home?

I also am tripped up on the fact that I'm paying only $5.50 to go on a field trip to Germany, that's cheaper than going to a movie for goodness sakes.

And I love how there are changes I can already see in myself, and then changes that I'll be oblivious to until I return home.

And I love the people here- the laid back- at your own pace- kind of life
I don't constantly feel like I'm being observed under a microscope here- which is often an ever present feeling at home.

I am a MASS transit kind of girl--- I love taking the autobus, and walking. It's New York- gone European haha.

And I love the endless amounts of possibility that show up
like in January there is a ski/ snowboarding trip to Italy
and although I'm not much of a skier or a snowboarder- I'll become one if it means going to Italy.
Anyways we will see- I still don't know how much it costs- which is sort of an important factor.

There are also all these free language classes you can take after school, French, Italian, Chinese, Slovak, Russian, and countless others. So since I decided not to take French class- as I do believe in would interfere with my Czech ( which it already has)

because in french "je" is like Juh
it czech "je" is ya
so you can understand the habit I've had to break
but I might try out these free lessons and see.

I still need to look into dance lessons, this week was crazy and I didn't have time.
I'm waiting for my one friend to get back to me about belly dancing,
but then I also want to take a traditional Czech dance class- but I need to find a male partner-
yeah I don't know how exactly how I'm supposed to do that.
I'm sure I'll figure it out- somehow.

And I love how my month mark is nearing
and I feel very settled.

Alright
go make a list of the things you love about your life right now
and if when going to do so, you realize there arn't very many things you love
well, only YOU can change that.
So make the choice- to have a sufficient life- or one that you love

LIFE is meant to be Copacetic. so let it be.

Tahi

Life....and the funny way it works

* my friends. and the boy- or I guess man. 26 makes you a man, right?


So it is midnight. right now, and I made it home before curfew. SCORE!!!



My day started very early at 4:30, once again. I really don't know what the deal is with me but the last three mornings I've popped up super early and haven't been able to get back to sleep.



Today- was a good day. I basically haven't stopped going since I got up this morning, and I still have quite a few things to do before I go to bed- but anyways lets talk about my day, because it was great.



I found myself in Art History at 7 a.m.- and sat and tried to comprehend as much as possible which was very little--and then I went to the rest of my classes and before I knew it, it was 12:35 and I was done for the day.



So then I met Katka and Lucy and Camilla outside at 1 and we went to this pub/ cafe called the blue door ( modra...something in czech) and then we went and climbed the black tower in the town square, and yes I felt each and everyone of those 225 steps.



and then after that we went to this Cafe and had these waffle things that were less than two dollars and were quite possibly the most amazing thing I have yet to eat in this country. mmm...they were good.



And then we are sitting there in this cafe, and Katka says they have something for me. Mind you I met these girls Tuesday, and it is now Thursday. And they found out that Sunday had been my birthday because one of the girls in our class told them, so they had bought me a gift. First, an orange mug- because in class you take your own mug in and then you can make coffee or tea- whatever you want- and they saw I didn't have one yet. Also, the orange wasn't by mistake they saw that I wore it a lot and so that's why they bought the orange one. They also bought me brown jewlery because they noticed I wear brown a lot, and that I always have jewlery on. I really didn't know what to say to them. The fact that they had taken the time and effort to observe and then prepare a gift for me in two days- well the people here just continue to surprise me---they really do----just wait the surprises get better---keep reading.



So then I get home at like 5 and I have to leave the house at 7 to go meet my other friends. So I hop in the shower, get ready, and by the time I make it downstairs it's like 6:30, so I dawdle for awhile and then I headed out.



Now before I left the house my host mom told me no drinking, although she had said differently when I had first arrived. But since this was my first night out- and I didn't want to screw things up for myself I obliged.



So we sat in Slovia ( its where all the teenagers hang out- its this park thing outside) and they all drank, and drank, and kept offering me drinks, and I kept rejecting, but in the midst of all of this I was learning new Czech words, and teaching them new English one's. So it was a win- win situation.



Then we make our way to the pub where the concert is going to be- and we all sit around and visit- and I continue to learn Czech, and Katka( not the one I usually mention) was wasted and hysterical because usually she usually is pretty quiet- so we had some good conversations with her broken English and my broken Czech- I'm sure it was rather comical.



Now then the concert was supposed to start at 9, but this is the Czech so ofcourse it didn't. Anyways so the area we were sitting in was sort of by the bathrooms and this really attractive Czech Man- and yes I say man, because he was probably like 24 like the rest of my friends boyfriends keeps going to the bathroom. So at one point he is coming home and Katka( the blonde sober one) snaps a picture of him, well ofcourse the smart man takes the opportunity to start a conversation- and so we start talking with him- and he is like talking to me in Czech and I get in way over my head because I understand nothing that is coming out of his mouth, and my friends chime in and say that I'm American and blah blah blah. So then we start talking in a mix of Czech and English, and he proceeds to sit himself down my me, and the sober blond Katka decides to pick up our cameras and starts taking pictures of the two of us, SO YES I have a picture with him, but until I figure out how to get it on here you are just going to have to wait. So we talked for quite sometime and it turns out he is moving to Prague in a week-then the concert started------and lets just get to the point-----I left the pub with the Czech Man's phone number. Anyways he is moving, but it turns out he was 26. And well nine years might be a bit of a stretch- even for me, haha.

but in the grand scheme of things age, to je jedno ( it doesn't matter)

so then it was kinda funny we were having a discussion about how to say things and I was like okay so you would say I am cold this way, and I am hot this way,
and well here is how said it

ja jsem translates to I am

teplo- means hot

so you would think you would say ja jsem teplo, right??????

Yeah......No.

when you say ja jsem teplo- you are saying that you are homosexual- so I meant to say I was hot, and that is not at all what I ended up saying.

It turns out you say I am hot- Ja mi teplo.

Oh the joys of learning new languages.

And I think I finally have a nickname. Yes indeed. So here peoples names change all the time- the endings so Katka may be Katchco, or Katchka or several other things its just what they do here, so we were talking about that last night and they asked me if I had any nick names and I was like no, not really. So they started playing around with my name and out came
Tahi ( Tah he). Anyways i like it a lot- and I'm running with it- so one day i'll be married and my husband will call me this for short on occasion and I will think back on the good ole days when I was young and spent a year in the Czech Republic.


Oh god and then in English class I look like a big idiot because the teacher always asks me questions that I don't know the answer to.

Like do you know what Gerunds are? because I sure didn't. So it's rather pathetic because I'm learning things about my own language. But it's not my fault they don't teach us these things, we just speak the language and write in it- I don't know all the nitty gritty details.

Alright.
Oh wait. And for some reason I had the song stuck in my head yesterday,
"What the world needs now is love sweet love, it's the only thing that there's just too little of"
and I have no idea why- because I haven't heard it in ages.

But I also realized how stupid I think that song is, there isn't too little love in this world, it's simply the fact that everyone is looking for it in the wrong places-- because it's out there- you just have to know where to look for it. If anything there is too much love- and not enough people taking advantage of it. Love is a feeling- it's the people that have to drive it.

So get out there and make something of your day,
of your life-
because the day isn't getting any shorter
and your life isn't getting any longer.
So find something worth dying for- and the live for it,
better yet find people worth dying for- and then live for them.
Get to it- make "some day" today.

Tahi

Long and Overdue Update

href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigoYBmwB7PekDqL0WMiwByFAaB8EWGW1A44Snq5Vt8a8ZoAIgrFIEiD3OB_aKqyL2d1D-s1a6aOTSFFvvzBYakLs2p6exJcQUj_Sz47XfJy-XEH8tUf6vcPeH6QG4FOhPGVayto0NR0iA/s1600-h/DSC00441.JPG">
*the view from the plane


Okay my friends, do not fear, I did not fall of the face of the earth, but for some reason my e-mail stopped working, and my blog would not allow me to update- and do believe this was the universe's way of keeping me out the the home loop.



Although it did allow me to be connected to myspace---which I find rather strange, but perhaps after all the myspace interaction was needed-maybe, just maybe.



Okay so I am going to back up all the way to September 19th, because i do feel that it is my duty to keep you up to date on all the life changing experiences- so I'm warning you know if you don't have the time to read this now, stop and read it later, because it will be a long one, and you will want to keep reading.



September 19th was one of those days that is simply worth putting down in words. We started out on this walk which ended up being a half an hour and ended in the country at this small little air field. And so I willingly handed over my 500 crowns ( 25 dollars) and was then able to climb aboard this little plane that just so happened to be a replica of a German bomber. So I'm not really one to favor flying but this was different- and fear was nowhere to be found. This was no commercial airliner- there were no people of every sort invading your personal space and creating a stench- and you did not travel so highas to not be able to point out buildings and structures. The view flying around this city was amazing- quite a beautiful palce to take your first no commercial flight. Andit was funny, or perhaps funny isn't the word- it was something- because before the flight I actually debated whether or not I should spend the 25 dollars or not- and after doing it- the thought of not just sounds plain stupid. How many times in your life do you get to trek through a town in southern bohemia that you have finally learned to say- but have yet to spell to end up at this airfield and climb up in this replica of this german bomber and fly over the hostel that's connected to a castle where you have been sleeping and staying for two weeks? How many times in your life do you get the opportunity to do just that? I'm pretty sure just once- so I took the opportunity I was given and ran with it. And as I was up there looking down on this country I"ll call home for the next year with Mandy in my ear singing " extraordinary" and my camera in hand capturing life in this moment- I just felt at peace, content, like that was exactly where I was supposed to be- as though there wasn't another place by the name of Vancouver, Washington where I might also belong. Because right now- at this time- that is not at all where I belong. I belong right here. Because when the doors slid this is the one I chose- and so all of what i'm experiencing here is discovering what all can be found behind this door. ( I hope you caught the sliding door thing mom)

So that was the 19th...let's move along shall we.

Zari 20th, I stood on the 15th Meridian, which was a rather cool experience, I also walked across it, and took pictures of my bare feet on it, the part in english, as well as the arabic part, because after all I'm arab, and I spoke it at one point, and will again one day, so why not? right? I did it---because I could. I also toured the 3rd largest castle in the Czech Republic.

the 21st--- I went to a museum and saw the world's largest mechanical nativity scene---which was very interesting as well as educational.

Okay the 22nd was amazing from start to finish so you better brace yourself...
So we had gone out the night before, because it was the last night with all of us exchange students and we wanted to celebrate, we had our curfew extended and we headed to Bar 69.
Well the whole two weeks we had been there, I as well as all of the girls had an eye for the bartender whose name....wait for it....wait for it.....was Ludwig, just like Beethoven haha, but it didn't matter. So we all took a picture with him the last night and we thought that was the end of him, but oh no.

We wake up the next morning and Eleanor( the one I told you about before she is going to NYU next year) she realizes her cell phone is gone. and so she calls it and guess who answers.....Ludwig. He found it outside the bar and took it home. So we need to go to his house to get it. Mind you it's 8:30 and our host parents are supposed to be there at 9, and its quite the walk. So Eleanor, Patty, and I went running through the streets of this small bohemian town to go get back her cell phone from the very attractive Czech bartender. It was like the movies. What was even more like the movies was when he told us to have great years here and that he hopes we encounter a lot of good people, and to simply forget about the bad one's. It was the perfect start to a morning, and a perfect way to leave that town.

So then I went home, and we had my birthday dinner, and ate outside on the back patio, because the weather was super nice, and then host mom disappears for a few, and comes back with a gift bag. And Martin tells me, we see you writing all the time and that your journal is gettng full, so well...you'll see. and you know what they got me, they got me a journal. They have known me about 5 days, and they already have choosen to tune into something that is a large part of me, of who I am, of what I do, of who I'll become. They had no obligation to do so, but the fact that they cared- that means a lot. And they couldn' t have given me anything that would have made me happier.

The 23rd- I was 17, but it was one of those days where you feel like life is just beginning. We left the house at 10:30 and headed to the train station, and hopped the train. We then sat across from these two older women. And something I've noticed since being here is that their older people look more aged than our older people- and this was once again true of one of the ladies sitting across from us. She had really nice white teeth, and these sparkling light blue eyes- and her face was warn- and her wrinkles were not just wrinkles- they were these massive indents- wrinkles to the extreme, where the skin folds in in certain places and not in others. But it's not as if she was ugly- it was simply an example of the bodies way of truly aging. And to me, it's only proof that she has lived life- and lived it well, because in my olden age if having wrinkles menas that I lived as much as I could for as long as I could- then I will embrace those wrinkles and take pride in them. I hope that lady embraces her wrinkles- although she probably doesn't- because we generally fail to see the bright side to things in regards to ourselves.
We then hopped of the train and started on the 12km hike back to the car. We stopped along the way and ate sandwiches and my host parents drank beer- which I didn't really understand because we were hiking- in rather warm weather and beer dehyrdates you- so I didn't get what they were doing, but they enjoyed themselves so it's all good.

the 24th. It started out amazing and proved that I'm making progress in this language. So i needed to go and set my final schedule with the head lady. So I go to her office, but only her helper lady is there. Now mind you this lady only speaks Czech, so before I left for language camp when would go to the office, and she was there, a lot of hand gestures and motions when on, because I didn't speak Czech and she didn't speak english. So the the helper lady was there- and with my Czech skills I asked her if the lady was there, and she said no that she was teaching a class ( she said this in czech mind you, and I understood) and then I asked her what time she would be there( in czech also) and she told me the time ( in czech) and I understood, and I walked out of that office feeling very very accomplished.
Then in Psych class we left school and walked to the library, to see the exhibit on GUESS WHO?
JUST GUESS??????????
on Freud. Now really that was pretty strange considering my strange obession with freud and my rather extensive knowledge on his theories ( isn't that right Breegan haha I miss us) and well the exhibit was all in Czech but i made attempts to read it, and with the pictures I generally got the jist of the matter.
and then OH Good GOD ALMIGHTY, I went to cycling class with my host mom. Now I don't know if you've ever done a cycling class. But if you ever deserve a good ass kicking, don't wait for someone to give it to you, just go to a cycling class, and you will be giving it to yourself. OH God, for the longest time I thought I was going to die, although I kept going, and then I think after awhile I was moving without thinking, but I had to keep moving, because if I would have stopped you couldn't have got me going again, and it probably didn't help that the clock was right in front of my face---and I swear to you that was the longest hour in my day. Oh it was funny though because the first song we listened to was by Mika, and it made me think of home, and I cycled my heart out. OH and my zadek ( bottom) hurts so bad today, those bicycle seats do not have mercy on your ass, NO, not even your's so be prepared, if you ever go to a cycling class to be rather uncomfortable in the following days. Anyways I felt very accomplished after and I will probably go again. I'm still loosing weight, which is weird, because I'm supposed to gain a whole bunch, but apparently not, my hair is also getting awfully long, which I'm excited for. Just wait, this slim long haired brunnete will return to America. just wait.

and now up to speed today the 25th.
We went on an all day field trip today to two castles, which was a lot of fun,
and I made four new friends, who I like very much.
We are going out for pizza and coffee after school thursday
and then I'm going with different friends to a concert thurdsay night
and I don't have school Friday because it's a national holiday.

Anyways these new friends of mine, they were talking about all of us going to Prague to go shopping sometime, and how Im going to need to, or else I"ll freeze during winter, and we talked about all these things they want to do with me, anyways I'm rather excited. We had good photo shots of all of us on our trip today, it was a good time.
Haha they also decided that a piercing would look good on me, and why don't I get one ( on my face) and I was like ummm....yeah....no thanks.

Okay I hope you feel tuned in- I think I was detailed enough although my fingers may fall off now.
Hope life is good for ALL of you
and that you are living and not letting the days pass you by
because this is it my friends
no time for being lazy
for holding grudges
for not forgiving
so forgive
let go
and live.
because I forgive.
so If you've ever thought I haven't forgiven you,
I forgive you.
And I mean that- with all of me.
I'm sending good vibes to America for all of you
until next time
Me

Oh and my address beause some of you have asked for it is as follows

Revolucni 13 ( yes thats right I live on revolution street, which i think its pretty sweet)
370 07 Ceske Budejovice

Working Hard.....or Hardly Working?

I do believe I am working rather hard to get a grasp on this language, although at times it can be rather frusturating and discouraging. I don't recall Arabic being this hard to learn, and well at least Czech uses the same alphabet for the most part, but ITS HARD, really really hard, which makes me that much more determined to learn it.

Because I figure if I learned Arabic, I can learn this. It will just take time, as all good things do. Anyways apparently once you speak Czech it is really easy to pick up Polish and Russian, and Slovak, so you know I may just be able to speak like six languages by the end of my life, which I think would be quite the accomplishment.

As soon as I get back to my town Iam signing up for belly dancing lessons, hahaha funny right? Yeah well, when in Czech.....and so I am doing it, because what have I got to lose? Nothing, nothing at all. It is super cheap here- like $12 dollars a month for a class once a week for an hour. So I'm finally going to learn how to shake it like an Arab, I mean it's about time! haha, I crack myself up. But really, I'm looking forward to it. I would also like to take one of the traditional Czech dance classes, but I need to find a male partner first, which apparently isn't hard because a lot of guys dance here, which is a rather appealing trait if you ask me.

It is rather interesting the changes you watch yourself go through, and while I've been here there are several things about myself, about life that I have stepped back and revaluated, reconsidred, changed my mind about. And it is all very interesting how the impact of such small insignificant things can make such a large impact. How certain things that used to be important to you, suddenly lose their worth, their appeal, and you wonder what you were thinking when you decided to buy into that thought, into that way of life.

I do so much thinking here that sometimes I feel like I have constant commentary in my head, which sort of threw me off for awhile and I thought perhaps I was truly losing my mind, especially when I would be trying to fall asleep and I was running through all these thoughts- and there was no off button. But thankfully it's resided quite a bit, or I just don't notice it as much and I fall asleep with ease these days.

I miss my host family, which probably sounds strange, but it's true. I only had a week with them before I landed myself here at language camp, and I really enjoyed my week, and I learned so much about so many different things, and I want to go back and find out what else they have to teach me, which is probably more than I know.

I am really excited however, because at some point I get to travel to Germany with my host dad to go see how the bells are made( I wrote in a previous blog all about my Bell experience) anyways the making of the bells is apparently a rather big deal- and I think it will be really interesting to watch the process, so that's something else I'm looking forward to.

I bought my first ring here, which I was rather excited about, because it just so happened that I bought it on the 16th of September, and if you know me- then you would know why that would sort of be a big deal. The best part is that I didn't realize it was September 16th until after I had bought it....just one of those life things you know.

Okay I'm off to go talk to a boys economics class in English---it's our trade off for computer time, so I'm off to converse with Czech people.

Hope all is well in your current global postition in the world
and that you are LIVING life- and not letting it pass you by

Hey MOM,
JYAMM---- Always, and don't ever forget it!

One Week Down...

*leaving the castle



One week down, at language camp that is, and here is what I have come to realize.

I am very glad that I came to the language camp and met several other people that are currently in the same boat, that I'm sailing along in; dealing with the same thoughts, feelings, emotions. However I would have liked to experience this for a couple of days and then to have returned to this new life that I am forming, because this is how I feel....

I feel as though I had one week in which I began to figure things out, I began to settle and adjust and aclimate, if you will, and in being here at this language camp I feel like I have stepped back into America, and I am really ready to dive into the Czech culture the Czech ways, I guess what I'm saying is that I am ready to take hold of the Czech life and run with it.

It is simply the dynamics of the group ( which is good don't get me wrong) but the things that go on within the group, the occurences, happenings, are so very much what home is all about and I'm not at home anymore, and so I expect to be experiencing something very different, which I did for the first week----I'm just ready to go back is all.

I actually miss my host family, which is sort of a strange thought, but I was just starting to really get comfortable with them, to settle, and I picked up and was uprooted.

I am having a very good time here, trying to learn as much Czech as possible, because my goal by the end of this thing, to get mistaken as a Czech native, I want to have submerged myself so far in the culture that I'm talking, dressing, and seeming as though I have been one of them all along.

I have about a week left here at language camp, and I've decided that I'm going all in, I am completely emersing myself in this language, diving in, studying like no other, because until I get this language down, communication will be a struggle, it is funny though how as you go along you are able to understand more and more of conversations----because your vocabulary and skills are improving. I find the process of how languages are learned rather fascinating, when you just jump in the culture and run with it. I hadn't done that since I was younger and went in an English speaker and came out fleunt in Arabic( which I have now promised myself I am going to pick it back up one of these days)

My Birthday is in Nine days, and I have been thinking a lot lately about the past year, about the events, the occurences, but mostly about how I grew throughout the year, how I was simply able to gain from it all the deeper understanding of who I am, that I will surely continue to develop as the years go on. And last year as I'm sure many of you know, at about this time I had decided that my 16th year, was going to be "THE YEAR" and I have to admit it was pretty good, in fact it got me here. However, I am going to say it again, because I do believe that this quite possibly could also be " THE YEAR" because I've just realized that it's in thinking that, that actually makes it "THE YEAR" and so it's going to be. Because I decided, because I choose to put that postive energy out there.

It is rather interesting the way in which I miss home, it doesn't upset me, or cause me to become really sad, I just miss it sometimes, and am okay in missing it. It doesn't so much seem real I guess is what I'm trying to say, like it almost feels as though home and everything connected to it was an entirely different life, and I am able to hold onto distant memories that existed during that time. And in ways in doesn't feel like life is going on there, although I realize that it is, but when you remove yourself this far an in this aspect you feel like you have perhaps entered an entirely different time period, anyways it's just weird the way in which I miss home.

The way I miss people is a bit different, because it's people you miss more than places or things, and there are so many things that go on here that I would love to have people from home beside me to see them, and enjoy them, because I know they would. Like we went on this amazing hike yesterday 7km and it made me think of Yosemite and that HIKE FROM HELL, and the snow and how we were NOT ALLOWED to stop, because some people have OCD and have to be able to say they got to the top( which we didn't by the way). Anyways I just wish you would have been there, it was a setting in which it would have been fitting for you to be along.

Or there will be times when I want to share with someone what just occured, or what just happened and they arn't right there to tell, and I can't just pick up the phone and call, and i don't have immediate access to a computer, and by the time I get to one the moment will have passed and it won't matter anyways.

Its small things like that, that I'm dealing with, but I have to tell you as time passes, and I am here for longer and longer it all is getting a lot better. I start remebering that people arn't here, that they arn't going to be, and that I will be perfectly fine without them for a year. Because although I miss them and enjoy having them in my life and gain so very much from them, this year is not meant to be spent missing, but living.

I hope all is well, wherever you find yourself as you read this
Vancouver, Washington, Ecuador, Coventry, or any of the several other locations in this world
and know that whatever you are going through
it will pass
because all things do
even the good one's
so enjoy things in the "now"
and don't worry about the later.
Missing you--- but living at the same time
Tahani