On Leaving Soon...

My feet currently remain on American soil, in a place I call home, yet not for much longer. Sleep these days is not something I get a lot of, and this is purely by choice. I guess I figure that the less I sleep the more living I will get to do and I want to do as much as possible before I leave. I described this whole feeling to someone the other day I simply said, " you find yourself feeling as though you are dying" at which point they looked at me puzzled and I continued, " I am leaving, I am going to removed from everyone and I just feel like I'm constantly juggling my schedule fitting people in wherever possible, because they mean a lot to me and I want time with them before I go." And really that is how I feel- like there is only so much time---and yet so much I want to do, people I want to see---and its the sad truth that I won't get to do it all. Packing is something I'm still trying to avoid, although I have started doing it. And every morning I wake up to those suitcases, haunting me on my bedroom floor and they just remind me that leaving isn't getting any further away; that I better jump in that shower and start my day, because my days left here are numbered. I don't think I'm as scared to leave as I am anxious. I think this whole build up; all this time I have to sit and think about what I'm leaving behind is tripping me up. I think that perhaps once I'm on that flight, and I've made my choice--that it will be easier to continue on. I guess perhaps its just knowing at this moment that there is still an out, you could still change your mind. Am I at the point where I would even consider that? Not at all, but I think its more knowing thats an option that anything else, the whole security of having that choice. This is going to be an amazing experience, and I am going to grow in ways I could never imagine, and despite the fact that I'm leaving so much behind, I will be gaining so much in the process. It will just be different, and hey, different is good.