Transitions

I recently felt as though I had stepped into a movie, or more like I had stepped into fragments of movies and they had all been meshed together to make up what currently is the life I am leading. At one point I felt as though I was taken to the dancing scene from the Titanic, in another as though Jack Sparrow had entered the room and further that I was living in the midst of the Brady Bunch.
I was invited by a friend to a Ples ( a ball) in her village, where she was to perform a traditional Czech dance. It was in a village so was naturally a lot smaller and less extravagant than the other Balls I have attended. Everyone was cousins, and brothers and sisters, and everyone knew everyone.
At one point there was this Czech tradition where as a girl you go and ask a guy to dance, and then he must buy you these sweets that they are selling. Since Valentines day is approaching the cakes were these large hearts. So what you do is you pick a boy, you dance- and he buys you a cake. So I made three different guys dance with me- and ended up with three cakes…it was fun and made me wish we had things like this at home.
I danced continuously all night long- and just before three a.m. when I danced my last dance- I believe my feet were on autopilot as I was no longer aware of what I was really doing- my feet hurt and it’s a miracle they were still moving.
At one point a farmer- who is infamous for always being drunk at these functions and getting up and dancing on tables- did just that- and I couldn’t stop laughing. I got it on video…don’t worry.

The thing about being here is that everyday provides something new- some unchartered territory-something entirely new and unseen by me ever before. It may have routine and structure- but always lurking around the corner is something new for me to discover. Although this possibility exists at home as well- in the grand scheme of things it really doesn’t. Home is familiar- so you may have new experiences but the majority of the time- because it is normalicy- home- it doesn’t impact you as much, but perhaps we are at fault for that. Perhaps if we want to be impacted by the new occurrences and events in our lives- perhaps that is our prerogative.
This place has taught me so much about myself- so much more than I believe home ever did in the past. I think leaving all you know is a rather self validating experience- in allowing you to see that you are capable of such things, and that although you may not always feel so strong- you are a lot stronger than you think. It basically comes down to the fact that you are strong when you realize you have to be.

Now I may sound crazy, but what’s new? I feel as though the Czech Republic held a piece of me and was simply waiting for me to come and claim it. I could have gone to other countries- could have chosen another location on that massive map we call our world- I could have, but what is important is that I didn’t. The Czech Republic was my first choice from the beginning and it remained that way through out the whole selection process.
Before I came here, to me, it was simply an unknown land mass, some piece of land I’d had yet to step foot on. Something new. Something different. And now it has become my home away from home.
The exchange student from Canada and I were talking the other day- and she made mention of how I’m different now than I was when I first met her- which kind of threw me, because mostly I just feel more complete- slightly different- but mostly complete- these changes she mentions I’m sure I’ll notice in time. I know that I’m growing up- but that would have occurred regardless of my location in the world.

This place gives me motivation, drive. I realize that if I go out into this world and I find failure- that it is okay. You simply re-build- start over. It is not easy by any means, but it can be done. I left everything I knew- and have built a world up a round me- and am living life. I am living life.

I recently moved to my new host families and am thoroughly excited- as we only speak Czech. My hope is that in the following months my Czech will improve at a more rapid pace- as I have them on my side aiding me in this learning process. Czech is a hard language. It is a bitch, really. But it’s not impossible- it can be learned as most things can. So I’m trying my best- and that is all I can do.

The sun is shining today- it’s coming through my window, beaming in on my desk- Spring my friends is right around the corner; already. Time I’ve realized is something you just have to learn to accept. It’s going to come and it’s going to go- and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it, so getting all caught up in it will not do anything- and it surely won’t stop it. Enjoy what is happening in this moment. Right here. Right now. That really is all you can do. Time does not operate on your terms, it’s actually quite the opposite. You operate on times terms. Your life begins when time allows, and also comes to a screeching halt- when time is up. Time I believe is one of the biggest mysteries- and it’s no doubt that it’s going to stay that way.

I’ve realized lately that I think I can change people’s lives. I realize that may sound cheap and like something you’ve heard politicians say time and time again. But I’m serious. I don’t mean it in the “I am going to change the world” sort of way- but I think that perhaps I can impact some of the people that this world consists of. People need people. This is common knowledge however how many of us have people in our lives that are there to constantly uplift and motivate? I mean sure to some extent, but generally jealously steps in or something else of that sort- and they don’t always want to be our personal cheerleaders. I have the need, the desire to give motivation- words of encouragement. I want to uplift people- make them realize their potential- show them just what they can do if they believe in themselves, and their abilities. I have so much of me to give out and infect people with the ability to believe in themselves and fulfill their potential. I am only concerned with the fact that in giving to others and making my attempt to change lives- that I will somehow forget to give to myself. Which probably makes me sound selfish- but that is not what that is about at all. If I forget to give to myself- if I stop doing for me what I am trying to do for others- I will fail. This is not a question, it is a reality. I was told the other day the last word the person I was talking to would use to describe me is – hypocrite. If this is true, then I cannot be giving to others when I’m not giving to myself. They both need to co inside- I need to give to myself in order to give to others. Otherwise it simply won’t work. But the fear that I will forget about me, isn’t to far fetched of a thought. People mean a lot to me. The people that are in my life mean a lot to me- and I make sure that they know it. I invest a lot in people- sometimes so much, that in the past I have lost sense of my own self identity and have fallen to a place where I was no longer giving to myself- and I was not happy. I kept giving, because it is what I do- and remained one of the things I truly enjoyed getting pleasure from- but the giving made me feel empty. I was giving to others and I couldn’t even give to myself. Since being here, I’ve had people write me and say that I helped guide them in the right directions when I was there- and that they don’t know how to do it without me. In my mind I failed in that relationship. Through my giving I somehow made the person feel dependent upon me- when my true intention had been to cause them to feel dependent on themselves.











I took a break from writing- after all you’ve just read and went with my new host mom to a flower exhibition. It sounds strange perhaps- but she offered and I jumped at the chance. You learn as an exchange student to take the offer of even the most peculiar of invitations- because it means an experience for something new- and bonding time with people you know you don’t have much time with. When arriving at the flower exhibit host mom informed me that before she studied law she studied flowers- which is what I believe a botanist does.. although don’t quote me on that. I am not familiar with the studies of flowers. It was really nice actually- being here I get the opportunity to enjoy life’s simplicities…to stop and smell the flowers ( no pun intended) to sit back and really look at a flower- and observe its beauty. Most often we have so much going on that the thought of looking at a flower doesn’t even cross our minds- let alone standing and observing one. We forget about the simplicities because we are all caught up in the things we need to do- instead of the things we’d really like to be doing.
We walked around the exhibit- host mom bought a couple of plants and we headed out the doors.
We started to walk down the sidewalk towards the car- when host mom suddenly stopped- turned to me and asked if I wanted to go for coffee, and I said sure- and so we headed on our way to a pastry shop- and sat and had espressos and a piece of picturesque raspberry cake and visited. We talked about her job as a lawyer- how it is hard because you have to separate your work from your home life- which is tiring and sometimes leaves you in a bad mood at the end of the day- despite your best efforts to keep work away from home. She told me about a recent case involving three prostiutes and how they took their clients credit card and made all these charges. Yeah- I’m sure not what the client intended. Also in the Czech Republic there is no jury in their system- which basically means that host mom- as a judge holds all the power when making her decisions. Which I’m sure is quite the load to carry. We also talked about how I want to be a lawyer- but how I’m thinking I want to study psychology for my bachelors degree. She said that was good- as psychology plays a big part in law- as far as being able to read people and such, but that also to be aware of the fact that in psychology you get personal with people- while in law- it is crucial that you keep people at a distance. We talked about so much really- we just sat and talked and drank our coffee and ate our cake- and the whole conversation was in Czech, besides the few English words I’d throw in every once in awhile because I didn’t know the Czech word for what I was trying to say. We left and I thanked her, explaining that it was a nice day- and that with my last host mom I didn’t get this because she had a little one and had to take care of her. The sun was shining and we walked through the main square and back to the car- and it isn’t even as though we did all that much, but it was simply a nice outing. I really really like my new host mom- Iwas afraid initially as the Canadian didn’t seem to like this host family a whole lot, but then again we are two very different people and maybe they just didn’t mesh. However- I think we mesh, and I am rather excited as I’m almost positive there will be a noticeable difference in my Czech in me living here- and some memorable experiences as host mom and I seem to have quite a bit in common.
I was also reflecting on my last host family. You find yourself doing comparsions- it’s quite funny actually, but if you ever find yourself in the situation of having a new family every few months- I think you’ll understand. I liked my last host family overall, yet often I found myself feeling uncomfortable- out of place- and in the way. I think part of that had to do with the fact that the house was rather small and was housing five people a cat and a dog. Or perhaps it is because I felt ignored a lot of the time- I’m not sure exactly. I think while living there I had convinced myself that perhaps I was only making myself feel uncomfortable- that I was inflicting these feelings on myself. But being here for less than a week- I don’t think I was inflicting anything on myself- I simply think how I felt- was how it was. Because here I feel at ease, comfortable- and talked to. I go to events, to dance lessons- and my host parents actually ask me how they were when I get home- ask me what dances I learned, etc. They actually show a genuine interest in my life here. It is just a really nice feeling. A feeling I’ve truly missed for the last five months. It is funny the things you realize you value when they suddenly up and leave- things that seem insignificant, until they are gone.


Get out and live today.
Be true.
Be real.
Be you.
that's all anyone wants anyway---to know the real you
there's no time for pretending to be something your not.
Be you.
Live Life.
That's all.
simple.
that's all.

Across the Atlantic- but closer than you think